Ep 32 - They Chose You. But Do They Actually Value You?
Most of us want to be chosen. We want the relationship. The friendship. The job. The invitation. We want someone to look at us and say, “You. You’re the one I want.” And being chosen feels good. The problem starts when we confuse being chosen with being valuable. Because someone can choose you without truly knowing you. They can choose you because you’re useful, agreeable, successful, attractive, available, or because you happen to fill a vacancy in their life. You can be wanted and still not be valued.
In this episode of Becoming Unbothered, Dr. Shiloh explores why we work so hard to become “choosable,” how rejection can quietly turn into a referendum on our worth, and why getting picked is not actually the finish line. Sometimes the more important question is what happens after they choose you. Is there room for you to be a whole person? Can you disagree? Can you have needs? Can you say no without submitting a three-page explanation with supporting documentation? And perhaps most importantly, do they value who you are, or do they value what you provide?
In this episode, we talk about:
• Why being chosen feels so closely connected to self-worth
• How we learn to edit ourselves to become more “choosable”
• Why rejection is not a performance review of your entire existence
• The difference between being wanted, being valued, and having worth
• Why some relationships change when you stop overfunctioning
• How boundaries can reveal what a relationship was actually built on
• Why being useful to someone is not the same as being known by them
• How faith changes the conversation about where your worth comes from
And we come back to one question worth asking the next time you find yourself desperate to be picked: What am I hoping this proves? You’re allowed to want the relationship, opportunity, invitation, or seat at the table. But you get a choice too. Being chosen is an invitation. It is not a verdict on your worth.
Listen to Becoming Unbothered with Dr. Shiloh on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube.
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